I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
