So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
