my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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