Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
