I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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