is your mom at the bar?
your thong is hanging out like whoa
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My vagina is officially offended.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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