I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
