She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
