Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
