Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
