I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
someone owes me an orgasm
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
