tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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