What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
