For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
