umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize