When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
