Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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