Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
