It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
