There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
