3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
