i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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