Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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