Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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