Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
