He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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