Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my liver is dry heaving
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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