Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
