her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
