I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
