My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
