You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
