dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
