And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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