mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize