My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
