Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
