i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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