literally had 100 drinks last night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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