I haven't been this sober since birth.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
