did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
