Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
