wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
