but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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