Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
