We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
