Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
