Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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