I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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