sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
