True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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