There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize