I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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