We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
