How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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