I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Randomize
