I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
