They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
