Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
