cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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