Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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