Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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