Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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