guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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