My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
