im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
