So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Randomize
