I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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